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Tales from the Mark Side:A 200th column surprise! Meet the VP


It’s always amazing to reach a milestone and that is definitely what our 200th visit is all about!

According to Larry Elder anyway.

I had no idea 200 columns was a big deal until I heard Elder talk about it during one of his egotistical rants about how Larry Elder thinks Larry Elder is the greatest Larry Elder a Larry Elder can be.

I had to look up the technical term for someone who refers to themselves in the third person and it’s called an “illeism.”

Weird name, which I guess is appropriate since it’s just weird when people do that.

Technically, I have no idea how many columns I’ve written since I’ve been doing this since 1996 for multiple newspapers. But in the spirit of Larry Elder, I’ll celebrate Mark Young’s 200th visit with you by saying Mark Young is grateful and humbled that Mark Young has this opportunity to spend some time with you.

So I have a big surprise for you on this big occasion for you and Mark Young: An exclusive interview with VP Kamala Harris.

The following is part one of the transcript of Mark Young’s sit down with the VP.

ME: Madam VP, I’d like to thank you for joining us. You have never sat down with a known Conservative outlet before so I have to admit that you have more courage than I gave you credit for.

KH: Thank you for having me and I don’t know if you are aware of this but “Courage” starts with the letter C. I think the American people understand that.

ME: (8 seconds of silence) Umm, well yes, I suppose it does. You know what else starts with the letter C? Cun …

Producer interruption: Move on Mark.

ME: Yes. Yes, of course. Anyway Madam VP, we have a lot to talk about today so let’s start with a recent interview you did where your negative approval poll numbers were raised. You happened to mention that there were plenty of polls out there where the majority of Americans believe you are doing a great job. I looked hard, but couldn’t find those polls. Can you elaborate on that?

KH: Of course. Poles are long solid objects that are most often anchored into the ground. Except for stripper poles. I know the one I make my husband use is bolted into the floor. But bolted is the same thing as anchored so I’m right about that and the American people know it.

ME: No. P-O-L-L-S, not P-O-L-E-S.

KH: (Cackling laughter) Yes, that’s what I said. Look, I don’t pay attention to polls except when I ask people around me if I’m doing a good job and those polls tell me that I am because the people I pay tell me I’m really good. So you have to get the true pulse of the nation from the people around you to know what the truth is, and not what the American people think.

ME: I see. OK, I think we can move on from here. Madam VP, the majority of Americans are feeling the pain of this administration’s economic policies. More than 50 percent of economists still believe that America is heading into a recession next year. Are you concerned about a potential recession?

KH: Look, I think it’s ridiculous to think that. Recess is for children and I think we’re all grown up enough to understand that while recess is nice, it’s not necessarily realistic to think we can jump on one of those big, beautiful yellow school buses and go back in time.

ME: (17 seconds of silence) Umm, well, what I mean, as an example let’s say, the Inflation Reduction Act and the infrastructure bill your administration passed. Both bills were essentially elements of the Green New Deal that Congress shot down. The Inflation Reduction Act as well as the infrastructure bill is just a massive amount of green energy spending that neither reduced inflation nor addressed infrastructure. In fact, only 9 percent of the infrastructure bill addressed infrastructure. How does this administration tout these bills as a success?

KH: I’m sorry, can I go pee? (38 minutes later) Ok, well to answer your questions, I’d just like to say that this isn’t about me but it had a lot to do with me in a way that even though I wasn’t in the room for these types of discussions, I know I make a lot of money.

ME: I’d really like you to expand on that.

KH: Look, what I’m explaining here and what I think you don’t understand is that it’s complicated. Sometimes you have to spend money to make money.

ME: Perhaps that is sometimes true in private business Madam VP, but that doesn’t hold water with government spending that proves to be wasteful.

KH: Well I don’t believe in wasting water and water shouldn’t always be put in a bucket unless you are going to use it for something like, well, a good water purpose. I think the American people understand that.

ME: (14 seconds of silence followed by an audible sigh) Ok, let me ask this in a more direct way. Do you believe that so-called Bidenomics is a success?

KH: Look, I believe the dictionary defines success as an alternate realm of existence or something like that. Don’t quote me directly but the American people understand that. They aren’t stupid and can see past their own reality to the true facts we explain to them. Are our economic policies a success? I have three words for you. Look, Congress passed these bills in an unbelievably successful way. I mean, we passed the Infrastructure Reduction Act. How amazing is that? This administration is doing historic things so why a small minority of people can’t see the good in that doesn’t make sense to me.

ME: OK, that was a little more than three words, but let’s talk fossil fuels.

KH: (Cackling laughter) Look, I’m going to tell you a story. There was once a little girl who went on a field trip to the museum. That little girl was forced to learn about fossils. (In an emotional voice:) And you know something? That little girl was me.

ME: (12 seconds of silence) Umm … I’m sorry?

KH: Look, fossils are racist so this fossil fuel thing you are trying to promote in your white, elitist world is the definition of systemic racism. That right there is the very thing this administration is fighting against and we will never give up that fight. It’s important that the American people understand that we have their back in this fight.

ME: What fight? Against racist fossils?

KH: My God, yes. I think what some people don’t understand is that this administration believes in using solar power because the sun is yellow. I think it’s really important that we acknowledge that. The way to fight systemic racism is to use energies of a different color like the sun and why “green” energy is so important to us.

ME: But by your own argument, I mean oil is black. Shouldn’t we be OK with using oil?

KH: Well that’s a really insensitive thing to say and the key word is “using.” Do you think it’s OK to use black people?

ME: Of course not, I was talking about oil in correlation to your color coded energy policy.

KH: So you think it’s OK to drill for black people, ship them off to some refinery camp and shove them into your gas guzzler? (Emotional voice again) Look, I’m going to tell you a little story. There was this little girl who was forced to take driver’s education in high school. And you know what? That little girl was me.

(Interview paused)

In our next visit, I’ll bring you part two of our sit down with the VP where we will discuss foreign policy, the southern border and the so-called MAGA threat.

Until then, stay vigilant my fellow Patriots. Keep informed and keep sharing our truth.

Mark Young would like to say Happy 200th to us! Here’s to 200 more and Mark Young can’t do that without you!

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