Tales From the Mark Side

Tales from the Mark Side: The Conservative Voice in Manatee County

By Mark Young

mark.young@manateeherald.com

I’m pretty sure there is a group of grungy 20 somethings sitting around somewhere smoking bongs and wrist deep into a bag of Doritoes who are the ones responsible for deciding on the next woke liberal culture attack.

That’s what I see in my head every time they pick their next thing to attack from birthing people, which apparently includes men now, to the latest attack on the use of the word caveman.

I mean you can see it, right? There are probably seven or eight of them, all with stringy, greasy long hair and patchy, scraggly beards because they can’t quite grow a full one yet.

“Dude, I’m tapped out of ideas bro. We have attacked it all. There’s nothing left, which is bumming my high bro,” one would say.

They would just sit there for a few minutes staring at each other, trying to focus through the weed fog and racking what’s left of their brain cells.

“Bro! Let’s go after Dr. Suess!,” one would exclaim. “Saying green eggs and ham is racist and Islamophobic.”

“Uuuugghhh, dude, we’ve done that,” another would say.

There would be one leaning back into the sofa like he was being eaten by it because he hasn’t moved for hours. His eyes glazed red as he stares at the TV when an old Geico commercial comes on and says, “It’s so easy a caveman can do it.”

“Bruhs! I totally got it bruh! Caveman? That is so, like, insulting to 10,000 year old skeletons to assume gender identity,” he tells his fellow stoners.

So they send an email to Nancy Pelosi after a round of high fives, who responds with a thumbs up emoji and the next thing you know the entire scientific community puts out a statement saying “Caveman” is an inappropriate term and that it assumes gender identity.

And here we go again.

We are being ruled by a small group of stoners who stay high 24/7 and funded by George Soros.

I honestly keep trying to figure out what they will go after next, but I give them credit. They never fail to surprise me.

My guess has been white bread. I can’t believe they haven’t gone after that yet and demand that it be called colorless bread.

Either that or start saying yellow mustard is racist, or even spicy brown mustard is both racist and sexist.

I’ve even thought they would go after Kellogg’s Corn Flakes thinking it sounds too much like snowflakes. But no, they have decided on demanding we no longer say caveman when their skeletons are found because we are then assuming gender identity.

God help us. I finally just have to say that it’s not that I don’t trust science. I just don’t trust people, including those pushing the science.

Liberals only follow the science when it’s convenient for them but like all other facts, develop their own fake set of facts to manipulate actual science into their own delusional fantasies.

Climate change and COVID are two good examples of that. It’s not that global warming is a real thing, but the actual science behind climate change is historical data. The earth heats up and cools down over thousands of years. It’s a cycle and it’s a fact.

It’s why Florida has been under water dozens of times over the course of the past 1,000 years alone, as the planet has gone through those changes.

So yes, global warming is a thing. But it’s the cycle of life and we just happen to be in a warming cycle. 

Throwing trillions of dollars at it, isn’t going to change a thing. The only thing you can actually accomplish with funds is to build coastal homes higher and use better, reinforced construction materials for storms that will likely worsen.

The left doesn’t follow the science. They make up science and demand that you follow it so they can steal and waste more of your hard-earned money to make themselves and their supporters richer.

I mean really, I hate to be the one to break it to you if this is all brand new to you, but it’s the first page of the liberal playbook.

You have John Kerry as the climate change czar leaving one of the biggest carbon footprints of anyone on the planet. So does Al Gore who started this whole inconvenient lie.

Do you think they care? No, they just concentrate on getting richer by being hypocrites. Why? Because they know they can’t actually do anything about the natural cycle of the earth. But they also know it’s an opportunity to fleece the sheep for an extra buck.

OK, I can’t leave you today without mentioning AOC’s recent arrest at a right-to-abortion protest. Besides the fact that she was walking with her hands behind her back like she was handcuffed, when she wasn’t, anyone with a brain can figure out that this arrest was staged in the first place.

AOC and her minions will do anything for attention.

But I say good on you AOC and the group of stoners now leading the charge against saying caveman. I say keep it up because every time the left opens their mouths these days, there is a Conservative somewhere waking up to the nonsense.

So my fellow Patriots, don’t say caveman, but do stay vigilant, stay aware and stay informed.

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By Mark Young

Mark Young is a U.S. Army veteran and a seasoned journalist of 25 years. His writing and reporting has garnered dozens of state press association and press club awards in Florida, Nebraska and Wyoming for investigative reporting, opinion writing, in-depth reporting and more.

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